“We have achieved normality… I repeat…”

The title of this post is a quote taken from The Hitchhhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, one of my all-time favourite books. My grasp of “normality” can be tenuous enough, but I’m lucky that medication and rest allow me to regain a sense of what’s real and what’s unlikely.

A few weeks ago I had about four or five days of really bad nightmares. I’ve managed to stabilize my moods with 5-HTP, so the nightmares did not come with crushing depression. Apparently whatever controls delusional thinking isn’t affected by serotonin (5-HTP affects serotonin levels), however, because after my episode right around Christmas (see last post), it was only a few more weeks until this subsequent problem. That’s fine- I can roll with these punches- and in fact, it even led to a book idea (post here).  But it takes a toll. I can’t sleep, I’m nervous, I’m distracted, I make mistakes and can’t focus on conversations very well. I managed to overcome this last bout of nightmares by adjusting my dose of medication, and taking a day off work to rest when it just was becoming too distracting. I continued the higher dose of medication for a while- a long while- though this can be dangerous as it can be habit-forming and set a new, higher baseline for my body.

I’m lucky in that I haven’t had any other negative things happen and with the rest and medication I’ve managed to achieve a sense of calm, stability, and normalcy. It’s not entirely rare but I’ve had a difficult winter this year and so I am rejoicing in feeling much better than I have been for a long time.  Here’s me hoping it continues.


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