I just lose sight of these gratitudes when I’m being swallowed by demons.

This isn’t one of those posts about what I’m grateful for, though listing such things each day can be quite useful. 

I’ve been under a fair bit of stress for months now, for a variety of reasons. Normally I can find ways to handle it, but for the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling unusually blue. Tonight I’m actually feeling happy, though, and I’d like to share my short list of things probably contributing to this happiness:

1. Being left alone to write (wrote/edited about 8 chapters for my novel Anagama tonight)
2. A short bout of exercise on the elliptical
3. A Jones green apple soda with half a shot of vodka in it 😀
I hadn’t realized how much I need to spend time doing things like creative writing in a quiet environment where I won’t be interrupted. Tonight, as happens on every Monday night, my husband went to a makerspace meeting, and I think from now on I should make every Monday night my writing night. The inner peace I feel from being able to create something without interruption is amazing, and I think part of why I love being able to write so much is that I tell people I am a writer and am working on a book- but if I don’t actually accomplish steps toward that goal, my words become more and more hollow and I feel more and more upset with myself for not working toward my goal. Accomplishing something- even if only a few chapters- means I can be proud of myself, until the demons come whispering back.
I also think that exercise is something I should try to get more of. There are so many health benefits, and stress reduction is a huge benefit. My BMI is normal, but I myself feel I’m out of shape, because I spend so much of my days sitting in one place while I work. I enjoy being able to do what I term “computer work” (writing and data analysis), but I need to get some physical exercise as well if I am to stay healthy, both physically and mentally. 
So I am grateful, I am, for what health I have, for the abilities I have to accomplish things, and the opportunities I have to accomplish them. I just lose sight of these gratitudes when I’m being swallowed by demons. 

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