Month: August 2014

I just lose sight of these gratitudes when I’m being swallowed by demons.

This isn’t one of those posts about what I’m grateful for, though listing such things each day can be quite useful. 

I’ve been under a fair bit of stress for months now, for a variety of reasons. Normally I can find ways to handle it, but for the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling unusually blue. Tonight I’m actually feeling happy, though, and I’d like to share my short list of things probably contributing to this happiness:

1. Being left alone to write (wrote/edited about 8 chapters for my novel Anagama tonight)
2. A short bout of exercise on the elliptical
3. A Jones green apple soda with half a shot of vodka in it 😀
I hadn’t realized how much I need to spend time doing things like creative writing in a quiet environment where I won’t be interrupted. Tonight, as happens on every Monday night, my husband went to a makerspace meeting, and I think from now on I should make every Monday night my writing night. The inner peace I feel from being able to create something without interruption is amazing, and I think part of why I love being able to write so much is that I tell people I am a writer and am working on a book- but if I don’t actually accomplish steps toward that goal, my words become more and more hollow and I feel more and more upset with myself for not working toward my goal. Accomplishing something- even if only a few chapters- means I can be proud of myself, until the demons come whispering back.
I also think that exercise is something I should try to get more of. There are so many health benefits, and stress reduction is a huge benefit. My BMI is normal, but I myself feel I’m out of shape, because I spend so much of my days sitting in one place while I work. I enjoy being able to do what I term “computer work” (writing and data analysis), but I need to get some physical exercise as well if I am to stay healthy, both physically and mentally. 
So I am grateful, I am, for what health I have, for the abilities I have to accomplish things, and the opportunities I have to accomplish them. I just lose sight of these gratitudes when I’m being swallowed by demons. 

A month off to catch up on things sounds heavenly right now.

I’m pleased- not only have I been sleeping well, for the most part, but I’ve recently been sent some information that makes me pretty happy. Apparently someone has cured cancer tumours with bacteria! This relates directly to one of my work projects (more information here). 

I’d like to do a lot of things in the next few days, and I wonder if I will have energy to do them all. I want to work on my novel, I want to put together information for a paper on something relating to my cancer bacteria work, I want to finish work to do with my paid job. I’d also like to spend time learning about physics theories involving quantum mechanics and time travel for a second book idea.

It’s unlikely that I’ll do all these things. That’s fine, I’m managing fairly well, despite fighting off some kind of flu-like illness over the past couple of days (I spend a lot of time asleep, and work when I’m not sleeping).

I do feel better, thankfully- just in time for the weekend! I still want to get caught up with things at work, though, so I will be fighting to maintain a balance between relaxation and taking care of my health, and productivity. I will wait and see what happens. 

One thing that’s a bit odd- I found myself wondering if the cell phone number I had for someone was actually his number, or someone else’s. Now I’m afraid to call that number, not being absolutely sure who might answer!

I’d love to take all my papers and a computer and go someplace warm and sunny, where I could sit on a patio and relax and get lots of deferred work accomplished. I kind of envy the month my ex-psychiatrist took for just this purpose. A month off to catch up on things sounds heavenly right now. 

Here’s another kitten photo

Another update in this journal: things have been really good lately! I am making good progress with my projects at work, despite dealing with bouts of fatigue and headache that make it hard for me to focus on writing tasks, and yesterday I was given a set of data that is rewarding to deal with. I am quite content with work, though I often find myself wishing I had a nicely appointed office with ergonomic furniture! I often get neck aches from bending over my computer, and I would like a larger desk. 

I have been mostly in a good mood, though I am a bit worried about my inability to sleep lately. Sometimes my mind wanders off into strange little fantasies, which I try to make a note of in my actual diary so I can use them later in fiction writing. 

I’ve been told that I’m a “strange one”, and this is true. I was told this in the context of my spending about five minutes trying to change the desktop background on my husband’s tablet to a photograph of kittens suspended in underwear. I was unsuccessful- I was trying to do this quietly, without being noticed, as a little joke to play on him, and it turned out that he had to make the change himself. I’m still not used to Windows 8.

Here is the kitten photo:

Obtained by Google searching "cute kittens images" - unsure of photographer

Obtained by Google searching “cute kittens images” – unsure of photographer

May you have a pleasant day. I am looking forward to another day myself, hopefully productive. I have a lot of things outside work that I want to spend time on- my novel, a new refinement for another novel idea, reading a fascinating book I found about additional dimensions in spacetime. One thing at a time, one day at a time, and I am hopeful that I’ll find the energy to work on all these things in the time I have. 

Here’s another kitten photo:

Again, not sure of photographer

Again, not sure of photographer